The Journey Begins

Hi, everyone. Well, here I am. A little over three years since I was diagnosed with Stage II breast cancer. My hair is back. Long and curly and, might I add, rather glorious. Is it wrong to love my hair so much? You never know what you've got until it's gone, so they say. These last three years I have kept my life, but I feel as if I have lost myself. Fear encapsulates you. Seals you off from the outside world. I felt I couldn't breathe or speak for fear of what may happen. Uncertainty is a horrible thing...or perhaps it is a wonderful thing. I am uncertain of the future. I am not sure what is around the corner. And so I have decided to step outside the box, outside of my box and discover myself and what I can do...or, rather, what I never thought I could do. I have a dear friend who runs Ironman competitions. I watch her with great admiration. How she fearlessly dives into the water with thousands of others, not to mention the critters already in the sea, and swims without restraint, the water swelling in a human wave. She is heroic. I buried my fear of cancer in food. I have gained 55 pounds and lost alot of my own self respect. This journey is my way of finding myself. Reclaiming my health and my life and discovering what point I can be driven to without the chains of fear. Beginning this January 3 - because it is my next day off!- I will begin training to run the 5K in the Race for the Cure in October in Denver Colorado. Now, I won't kid you, I am in terrible shape. My knees hurt. My legs ache. My back is a wreck. I am 46 years old and I have never been in terrific shape. I weigh 195 as of this writing. The pounds make my frame hurt and every step a chore. But, nevermind all that. My goal is just to see what I can do. I will begin with that single step everyne always talks about. I hope to use this blog as a record of this journey and of the discoveries and feelings that go along with it. From Cancer to 5K! My 10 month odessey!